13: Buy One Get One Free
1. Today while grocery shopping I learned for the first time what a BOGO Sale was.
2. I never say yes when a grocery bagger asks me if I want to keep my gum or chocolate out of the bag and tries to hand it to me. I’m not that desperate.
3. I also cringe when the deli clerk walks over to the counter from the meat cutter and holds up a piece of my turkey or ham, asking me if I approve of the cut. I can’t seem to ignore the fact that it is flesh being flapped around, and I wonder what the clerk didn’t understand about “sliced thin.”
4. It was out of character for me on Friday to go online and sign up for Oprah’s free Academy Award ticket for Sunday and chance to be on her show, but I’ve loved the watching the Oscars since I was a teenager and going is on my bucket list.
5. Even though I knew my odds for winning were one in a million, for the rest of the weekend I got a twinge of anxiety every time I thought of winning and having to pack a bag of the magnitude in a couple of hours.
6. Not only have I not had a gown since high school prom, I don’t own a pair of high heels.
7. I wondered what I would do with my hair if Oprah called, and then I remembered Mickey Rourke’s greasy hair at the Golden Globes and thought if he could go on TV like that then maybe my hair would pass.
8. My favorite Oscar acceptance speech was Sean’s Penn’s, but I also loved the way Kate Winslett asked her dad to whistle from the audience so she’d know where he was, and he did. It made me miss my dad.
9. Check out THIS mad lib Academy Award acceptance speech generator. Mine went something like this: Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly conjugate verbs! I feel so surgically enhanced! And this statue - it's so suspiciously phallic! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to secretly suspect that even in my wildest hallucinations, I never would have frantically prayed that this could ever liberate me from dinner theatre. I went on to thank my guru and The People Under the Stairs.
10. HERE’S the Roanoke Times write-up (in which I was briefly interviewed) of the Jacksonville Center’s Floyd Figures Artists’ Show, the group that has been drawing so many of us in the Floyd community for the past 25 years. The show inspired THIS poem.
11. I’ll never win an Academy Award, but I have won a "Be Kind to Animals" pin for a drawing I did in Elementary school art class, a quilted baby seat cover, a Crooked Road T-shirt, $100 for a poetry slam, and $50 at a Scrabble Tournament.
12. I was impressed with President Obama’s televised speech on Tuesday night but thought that Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal, who gave the Republican response, sounded like he was reading a children’s book.
13. The weekend of the Academy Awards I actually did get a call that prompted me to pack a bag for a different kind of trip entirely. More on that soon …
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Comments
Oh, Colleen to close on a mystery!!! Are you coming up north?
Posted by: Janet | February 25, 2009 8:40 PM
You are not alone! I don't own a pair of high heels either!
Posted by: Nicholas | February 25, 2009 8:42 PM
Yes! My mom has shingles, is having a hard time bouncing back and I'm going to help her out with some cooking and cleaning. I hope I don't end up in Saugus!
See how long I can't hold a secret.
Posted by: colleen | February 25, 2009 8:43 PM
If Oprah called, I wouldn't wake up from my comatose state in time to go anywhere lol Fun list. Happy T13!
Posted by: Adelle Laudan | February 25, 2009 8:57 PM
Sometimes when I'm out shopping I worry that Oprah's make-over ladies are going to ambush me. I sure don't want her coming to my door.
Posted by: colleen | February 25, 2009 8:59 PM
LOL! I love the Academy Award Mad Lib!
Posted by: Betty | February 25, 2009 9:18 PM
Great list...Happy TT:)
Posted by: Lori | February 25, 2009 9:19 PM
Great list. I wonder what on earth has happened to Mickey Rourke... he used to be a babe.
Posted by: Karen | February 25, 2009 10:24 PM
Love your Oscar acceptance speech! LOL
Posted by: Heather | February 25, 2009 11:38 PM
I loved when Kate Winslet's dad whistled, too. That was too funny.
Posted by: jenn | February 25, 2009 11:59 PM
Tell your mom I'm sorry about her shingles. OUCH!!
Posted by: kenju | February 26, 2009 12:06 AM
You would leave us hanging.
Posted by: Alice Audrey | February 26, 2009 1:34 AM
Sean Penn's acceptance speech was one of my favorites too. That's one of the first times he's made anyone laugh since he played Jeff Spicoli.
You are right about Jindal; he did sound like "Uncle Bobby" hosting storytime. Joe Scarborough had a great line about the speech too. He said that Jindal following Obama was like The Dave Clark Five following The Beatles at Shea Stadium.
Posted by: Malcolm | February 26, 2009 4:25 AM
I was 35 before I knew bogo. Around here it's more of a bogoho--buy one, get one half off. Times are tough!
I don't ever want to keep my candy, either. I don't like strangers talking to the little kid inside of me.
Posted by: SandyCarlson | February 26, 2009 5:37 AM
Ha! I never want to take the candy either. I sneak it out of the bags when I'm putting them in the trunk. I bet a lot of people do that. A lot of us buy candy or they wouldn't have racks of candy right there at the check-out. Happy TT!
Posted by: Brenda | February 26, 2009 6:50 AM
I still don't know what BOGO shopping is? I love the Academy Awards too, but didn't get into them too much this year.
Another great TT.
Ma is stronger and can't wait to see you. xo
Posted by: Sherry | February 26, 2009 7:15 AM
I think you hit on a special issue with the candy/gum thing at the check out! I hate it when they ask but like Brenda sometimes sneak it into the front seat with me. Great TT.
Posted by: CountryDew | February 26, 2009 7:16 AM
I long for a reason to buy a pretty, froofy dress to wear. I hope you get to the Oscars someday!
Posted by: Carmen | February 26, 2009 7:43 AM
I so loved Sean Penn's speech too!!!
My 13 is posted.
Posted by: Hootin' Anni | February 26, 2009 7:49 AM
Regarding #6: I do own heels (I had to wear them when I worked in an office) but I haven't worn them for years and years. Don't even know if I could still WALK in them without the risk of injury!
Great Thirteen, as always.
Posted by: Beth | February 26, 2009 8:02 AM
a good writer always leaves us hanging....!!!
Posted by: Tabor | February 26, 2009 8:17 AM
Interesting list, I don't have heels or a gown either.
I've always wondered about the deli thing, because if you say no, they try again but you still wind up with the rejected piece(s).
Sorry about your mom.
Posted by: Tricia | February 26, 2009 9:53 AM
I see BOGO and think, 'what is that?' - every time. Then 'oh right'. It's just not something that sticks in my head.
Posted by: On a limb with Claudia | February 26, 2009 11:56 AM
I hate high heels. I can't walk in them and find them very uncomfortable.
Fun list!
Posted by: Barbara | February 26, 2009 12:47 PM
BOGO is BUY ONE GET ONE FREE. I DO have pumps!
Posted by: colleen | February 26, 2009 12:51 PM
That things with the deli meat bugs me too.
Haven't owned heels in years. I am quite sure I would break something, or someone, if I attempted to go out in a pair.
Happy TT!
Posted by: kandyblossom | February 26, 2009 1:12 PM
Huh, you just reminded me that I completely missed the fact that the Oscar ceremony took place this week. Now I have to go and look up the winners to see if Heath got his Oscar. Everything else wasn't interesting this year anyway. ;)
Posted by: samulli | February 26, 2009 1:12 PM
3 sounds like you'll tip over to the dark side (of vegetarian) soon.
I've never owned heels. I borrowed ones for my grade 8 graduation.
Posted by: Pearl | February 26, 2009 2:41 PM
i really like your improvised speech. very funny!
Posted by: jehara | February 26, 2009 4:45 PM
Now you have my curiousity up!
Posted by: Sara | February 26, 2009 6:58 PM
Apparently everyone thinks Bobby is just like the comedic aid on 30 Rock. I guess the other side is scrapping the bottom of the barrel now.
The first time I saw a commercial using BOGO I thought what in the world are they talking about? I finally figured it out.
Not only do I take my gum but half the time I open it and get a piece out right there at the counter. My allergies can make me very dry mouthed in the store though, I will use that excuse!
Posted by: Deana | February 26, 2009 10:03 PM
I saw BOGO on grocery sales flyer and I wouldn't have figured it out if the words "BUY ONE GET ONE FREE" weren't right below it!
Posted by: colleen | February 27, 2009 10:38 AM
I too would love the chance to attend the Academy Awards. I do admit to having high heels in my closet but there they sit. :-)
Posted by: Col | March 1, 2009 10:48 AM