The Ripening
My intention is to immerse myself in the experience of aging in a similar way that I immersed myself in the experience of losing my brothers when they died in 2001. Aging and loss are inevitable life events that I can’t change or avoid. The best I can do is approach them with an inquiring and contemplative mind, as a life adventure, and ask ‘What can I learn?’ and ‘How can I make meaning out fear or pain?’
I’ve been reading a book that was gifted to me, Goddesses in Older Women, written by Jungian analyst Dr. Jean Shinoda Bolen. Initially the book’s subtitle “Becoming a Juicy Crone” irritated me. For decades women are expected to be juicy, and we are. Are crones supposed to be juicy too? When will we be let off that hook?
Juicy is not the way that I would typically describe an older woman. Aren’t elder women striving to stay juicy just a reflection of our youth-obsessed culture, which is no better than and an offshoot of patriarchal culture, I wondered? It seems to me that striving to be a juicy crone only feeds into our cultural obsession with plastic surgery, fat collagen lips, and denial of impermanence.
Women are living longer these days and the “Maiden, Mother, Crone (post-menopausal woman)” phases of a woman’s life no longer fit. I and others see this triad more as Maiden, Mother, Matriarch (or mature), and Crone. A lot happens between motherhood and being a crone, and the mature woman today has time to prepare for what Sinoda describes as the “third trimester” of life.
In the active years after fifty, you may become more visible in the world than ever before, or you may develop your inner life and pursue creative interests, or you may be the centering influence in a family constellation. Far from being a non-entity, it is in the third trimester that it is possible to be more defined and substantial a person than ever. In the Native American tradition, a woman becomes fully grown at the age of fifty-two.
I like to let my life be informed by the natural world, and recently I began to think of the stages of life like fruit. As women, don’t we bud, bloom, ripen, and eventually dry up. Isn’t that the nature of life? I wondered and then realized, No! A fruit only dries up if it hangs uneaten on the vine. Life, like fruit, should be used, which I think is what’s meant by “giving back.” I think staying juicy means to let ourselves be consumed by what we were made to do. When we do that our efforts will eventually come to fruition. Our ripening can be enjoyed by all around us and, hopefully the sweetness of that will be long remembered. That’s a juicy idea that appeals to me as I head down the far side of fifty.
Comments
Colleen, I am returning the favor of a visit, and landed here. I love words, and have always thought of crone not so much in the progression of aging as in the progression of power. I sit on the other side of the fence, having experienced the power of the feminine, been taken by it, birthed by it more than one time in my life. That works with the idea of juicy too. It's not that I ever demand it but when "you" choose to offer it, you juice, your power gives me new possibility or even a return to older possibilities. Women are directly responsible for my poetry and my music, and thus goddesses are real for me.
I am always happy to encounter feminine potency in my life. Because I know how to walk among you, I have not yet been burned.
Posted by: christopher | February 10, 2009 12:05 PM
So glad I followed the wire that brought me here. Thank you for your kind comment.
I am so sorry for your loss, but they are still with you in spirit. I am sure.
"I like to let my life be informed by the natural world, and recently I began to think of the stages of life like fruit"...
I hear you! The first time I realized this was while reading a passage from Zora Neale Hurston's "Their Eyes Are Watching God", when sixteen year old Janie Mae watches a bee polinating a pear tree and sees in the natural process a human equivalent.
Posted by: Isabel | February 10, 2009 12:16 PM
What a fabulous post! I love how you have reclaimed the word juicy.
Posted by: Rachel Westfall | February 10, 2009 1:07 PM
I do like that you've reclaimed "juicy", but the word crone has always had a negative connotation for me. I don't think I ever want to be considered a crone. Juicy - perhaps (but no flim-flam plastic surgery will ever be on my to-do list).
Kat
Posted by: poetikat | February 10, 2009 3:29 PM
I think this post is making me think!
Posted by: CountryDew | February 10, 2009 4:38 PM
Great post and great thinking, Colleen.
When I first read what you said here and used the word "juicy" my initial reaction was the same as yours. I thought "derogatory" and even offensive.
However, I gave it a bit of thought and realized we also use the word "juicy" when referring to something exciting, (like a juicy novel) or something with a bit of mystery to it, like juicy gossip.
So now I have to say I think the word is appropriate for women age 50 or older who embraces life, has a zest for it, is continually growing and learning, enjoying her moments.
Signed,
Juicy
Posted by: Terri | February 10, 2009 5:10 PM
When I read the word 'juicy', I had a completely different take on it than you did, Colleen. My mother lived to the age of 90 and worked in her shop until 6 months before she died. If I used the analogy of a juicy fruit, she was juicy all the way to the end - full of life, vitality, new ideas, curiosity, and dynamism. I don't see anything at all negative in the word. Interesting.
Posted by: Jeff | February 10, 2009 6:25 PM
I have an award for you on my blog, Colleen. I hope you will accept it, even if you don't feel moved to pass it along. Your writing is so rich and delightful!
Posted by: Rachel Westfall | February 10, 2009 8:44 PM
I like your take on this. I am 42, and I find I feel better and better with every year. I learn slowly to worry less and laugh more.
Posted by: SandyCarlson | February 10, 2009 9:23 PM
I too am headed for the "far side of fifty" and am so trying to maintain the attitude of which you speak. But.. if I am honest.. sometimes I wonder about the face I now see in the mirror. I want to love it... but some days are easier than others. :-)
Posted by: Col | February 10, 2009 10:45 PM
I know what you mean, Col. I'm trying to find the balance between being honest and realistic with staying curious and positive about the aging process.
And Sandy, you should feel better than ever at 42. I did too! The questions I'm raising here only start coming to mind in the mid to late 50's for most.
Thank you Rachel. I'm heading over!
Posted by: colleen | February 10, 2009 10:55 PM
This is where I am in my life too Colleen. Isn't it ironic we are kind of doing it together, because what is 3 years?
I do not like the word "Crone" either, it just sounds ugly. I rather feel beautiful, like "Goddesses" and maybe juicy. xo
Posted by: Sherry | February 11, 2009 7:26 AM
This is your pomegranate speaking --long live all the fruits !!
Posted by: sandy | February 11, 2009 9:18 AM
An advantage of aging is the lack of patience. Life's too short for wasting.
Posted by: Pearl | February 11, 2009 8:34 PM
I love that you added Matriarch to the list. Guess this does fit into my 13 perks of aging. I'm a great believer in life experience and love being the Matriarch of the family.
Posted by: Lazy Daisy | February 12, 2009 8:57 AM