Looking for Danny
Last night while watching The News Hour, I couldn’t take my eyes off Ray Suarez, a PBS senior correspondent. At first I didn’t know why I was drawn to look at him so intently and why I felt soothed when I did. Then I realized that if I shifted my eyes slightly -- the way I do when I look at computer generated magic art or try to see a variation of an illusion -- I could make Ray Suarez look like my brother Danny.
I found myself imagining that Dan had moved out west, started a new life, and had become Ray Suarez. It was a stretch to see Dan under Ray Suarez’s beard, but the hairline was the same and the features similar. I was enjoying fleeting glimpses of what it would be like to see my brother Dan alive again. I was marveling at how well he was doing in his new life, interviewing people on TV, when I became aware of the game I was playing.
But really, is it any stranger that Danny may exist somewhere in an afterlife than it is to think he is Ray Suarez?
Post Note: I had imagined that Ray came from Los Angeles, but in reality he’s from New York and lives in Washington, D.C. His ethnic background is Puerto Rican. More about losing Dan HERE.
Comments
One time when coming out of the movie theater I spotted a woman that I swore was my mom both in looks and manner. Upon further scrutiny I saw that she wasn't, of course, but I do believe we have "twins" out there.
Posted by: June | December 22, 2007 10:16 AM
And when it happened I bet it caused a shift in what you thought of as reality. Just the idea of it sort of makes our belief systems go topsy turvy. I saw another man once that reminded me of Danny and I stared till he went out of view and didn't want him to disappear even though I KNEW it wasn't Danny.
Ray doesn't look THAT much like Dan but there was something there that stirred my memory of Dan.
Posted by: colleen | December 22, 2007 11:02 AM
Merry Christmas!
Posted by: Anne | December 22, 2007 11:18 AM
I find it more comforting than strange. That has happened to me with my dad, who died 9 years ago. My romantic soul likes to think of it as a message for me from the departed. My logical mind sees it as an opportunity to slow down and enjoy a memory. I wonder what Michele thinks...?
Posted by: dara | December 22, 2007 11:21 AM
I have been told off and on all my life that people know someone who looks JUST like me - usually in another state. I bet we all have "twins".
Posted by: kenju | December 22, 2007 11:47 AM
"I was enjoying fleeting glimpses of what it would be like to see my brother Dan alive again."
This sounds really nice to have happen. I like your perspective on it, creating an alternate reality that is no more or less likely than an afterlife.
Posted by: Ampersand | December 22, 2007 2:34 PM
Oh I Soooo understand what you were doing Colleen...and why. It would be comforting to me to imagine that, no matter that I know it probably isn't the case....But Who knows? We don't know everything about everything....In fact, I think we know next to nothing about what happens after death, in particular...so, anythig may or may not be possible....!
Posted by: OldOldLady Of The Hills | December 22, 2007 3:50 PM
I "see" my son Andy in a fleeting glimpse at another driver on the road, in a crowd of people walking, in the set of someone's shoulders. When I get closer, of course it isn't him. But he is often in my thoughts and dreams.
Posted by: Marion | December 22, 2007 5:16 PM
Hey Colleen,
Michele sent me to say hello :-)
Every year at this time I think of my brother, J. J hates me and thinks I am the devil (many thanks, myriad psychoses!) and I haven't seen him for 20yrs. I have tried to contact him and been told firmly by his close circle of friends to stay away.
He's not dead, but I see J wherever I look :-)
cq
Posted by: craziequeen | December 23, 2007 10:19 AM
I have done this too. Not only with Dan, but Dad and Jim too.
Danny once said to me that all his Texan friends thought he was Hispanic, they did not believe he was from Boston and born in the USA. Did you ever hear this from him?
Posted by: Sherry | December 23, 2007 4:58 PM
Never heard that. But did you click on the link on Ray's name? There is a photo there. I know Kathy likes to watch Red Sox player Manny because his body language and build remind her of Danny.
Posted by: colleen | December 23, 2007 5:38 PM
I know it may sound silly, but I often picture the loved ones I miss, just busy doing something else somewhere else. I find it more comforting than the reality. What if you visit your news man each night, and just imagine you're visiting Dan? Would that make you crazy? Not in my book Colleen. So sorry that you're brother has moved on and left no forwarding address. ( Isn't that easier that sorry for your loss? ) xo
Posted by: lucy | December 23, 2007 6:55 PM
Stumbled onto your blog and I don't know how... but love it. This has happened to me numerous times since my Mother's unexpected death almost 6 years ago. I never mentioned it to anyone until recently but I'm obsessed with Mary Tyler Moore and Sally Field because both remind me so much of my Mom. If I squint my eyes and deafen myself to their voices, their looks and mannerisms become so comforting. Like looking at my Mom ...
As tears are welling up in my eyes, I must go-
Posted by: Casey | April 25, 2008 1:54 PM