Stalemate
The poem stops here
The writer concedes
She has written herself
into a corner
in a page of pawns
and flawed rhymes
There will be no final word
to move you
Post notes: Sometimes when writing poetry, cutting and editing and moving stanza lines around, a stalemate can occur. The above poem was a byproduct of THIS poem, which I wrote easily, up to a point. After work-shopping it with my fellow members of The Floyd Writer’s Circle, I rearranged the order of lines but then felt like a line was missing in the rhythm. I worked for days, coming up with many possibilities for a line to insert in between the words"shell" and "turn," none of which I was happy with.
Comments
You know what Collen...I think they are both perfecrt...! Maybe it is like a painting...I mean there have been times I was unsatisfied with the way a painting looked when it was...finished...BUT other people looking at it thought it was just fine....
As the "writer" I can understand your feeling about it, but as the
"reader" they both look perfect to me...!
Posted by: OldOldLady Of The Hills | July 13, 2007 12:01 PM
Thanks, Naomi. My feeling was that at least I got a second little poem out of the frustration of writing the first one.
Posted by: colleen | July 13, 2007 12:06 PM
How about,
"Barely reflecting,
Whispering its story" ?
(It's just what came to me right away..was going to put in "life" story, but you need short lines and it didn't make a difference.
Posted by: ruth | July 13, 2007 5:36 PM
Yes, I like that! I had: washed up moon shell ... lifts your gaze ... turn your ear towards its shine.
I wanted to imply that you could hold the moon to your ear like you would a shell and then hear some of the secrets of the universe...or at least the directions home.
Posted by: colleen | July 13, 2007 6:38 PM
How did you do that crazy upside down font over at Michele's?? That's so cool!
Mike
Posted by: Mr. Althouse | July 13, 2007 7:58 PM
What may not be pefect for you is just right for me!!
Colleen, thanks for the visit. No, I didn't go to AU, my daughter did. Lucky her!
Posted by: kenju | July 13, 2007 8:03 PM
Thanks, Kenju.
Hi Mike, The answer is to the upside down type is in number 13 on yesterday's 13 Thursday post.
Posted by: colleen | July 13, 2007 8:06 PM
I really like this poem --- the sentiments strike a chord, as does the idea that you get stuck and need a different direction to get loose again.
Hi! Michele sent me!
N.
Posted by: BreadBox | July 13, 2007 8:07 PM
It's beautiful!.
Poetry has always baffled me and it seems that the poetry that is considered the best is often that which I least understand - I wonder why that is... ;-)
Posted by: Absolute Vanilla... (& Atyllah) | July 14, 2007 3:57 AM
It looks just right, Colleen.
Posted by: Jean-Luc Picard | July 14, 2007 11:43 AM
Seems like a good poem to me! Your words are always inspired.
Posted by: CountryDew | July 15, 2007 8:01 AM
Thanks. I've always been somewhat fascinated by the moon with its various faces...and phases. I imagine it could share many stories just as the conch shell does when you hear the ocean in it, another thing that used to fascinate me so much!!
Posted by: ruth | July 16, 2007 8:25 PM