Notes from the Neighborhood
No one was running for anything. They came to express sympathy and to support those who are grief-stricken. I appreciated and was comforted by the words of our Republican President and our Democratic Governor spoken in Blacksburg today, but it was the words of a poet that made me weep.
I tried to avoid turning on the TV after the emotional glut of watching yesterday. I kept up with the latest news on my muted computer with only the howling wind as background noise. By late afternoon I received a phone call. It was my husband, Joe, letting me know that Virginia Tech professor and renowned poet Nikki Giovanni was speaking from the convocation ceremony live on TV. She, whose office I have sat in before, whose creative writing class I once audited, whose handwriting I tried to decipher in a note she sent me (only because I sent her one first) was worth bringing sound back into my life. She was even worth turning up the volume.
I tuned in too late to hear the religious speakers console and uplift the Blacksburg community, but because I think of the poet as part preacher, part teacher, part prophet, part jester, and always the truth teller, I was consoled and uplifted by Nikki. Maybe because of the force of her feisty reading or because her words brought the world community to mind, I received something I needed. She closed the event by leading the overflowing crowd in a rousing Virginia Tech Hokie cheer.
We do not understand this tragedy … We know we did nothing to deserve it … But neither does a child in Africa dying of AIDS … Neither do the invisible children walking the night away … To avoid being captured by a rogue army …Neither does the baby elephant watching his community being devastated for ivory … Neither does the Mexican child looking for fresh water … Neither does the Appalachian infant killed in the middle of the night … In his crib in the home his father built with his own hands … Being run over by a boulder because the land was destabilized … No one deserves a tragedy … From “We are Virginia Tech” by Nikki Giovanni
I was touched by Governor Kaine’s address to the crowd. He was very genuine as he told of what it was like to get word of what happened at Tech while on the other side of the world. Later, while fielding questions for the press, he became emotional as he put down a question regarding gun control by saying that he loathes anyone who would try to turn this tragedy into a “hobby horse crusade” as if it was a political campaign. (There will be plenty of time for that).
It’s odd how what brings me to tears is also part of what makes me feel better. Does it always feel better to be touched emotionally than to feel alone with unexpressed feelings? My tears of sadness are mixed with a welling up of pride for how those involved have come together to support each other, especially because some of those faces are familiar to me.
I’ve appreciated the ability to get ongoing professional reporting by way of local and national media these past two days. Individually all the newscasters and other authorities have been conducting themselves sensitively and appropriately, but something feels wrong. The intense media interest in my own backyard feels supportive and at the same time leaves me feeling exposed. It’s hard to watch the place I know so well be held under a magnifying glass. Even worse is the slick national news packaging and labeling of “The Virginia Tech Massacre,” complete with emotional still images and a background soundtrack that feels too much like a TV movie in the making, even as the drama is still unfolding.
I fear that school shootings are becoming such a part of our lives that a formula media reaction is underway. I wonder if I’m being over-sensitive. Is it any wonder?
We are not moving on … We are embracing our mourning … We are Virginia Tech … We are strong enough to stand tall tirelessly … We are brave enough to begin to cry … And sad enough to know we must laugh again … From “We are Virginia Tech” by Nikki Giovanni
Post note: An earlier post about Nikki is HERE. "We are Virginia Tech" in its entirety is HERE.
Comments
Colleen, you have been in my thoughts the past couple of days, along with my brother and his wife who live just a short distance from the Tech campus. I know exactly what you mean about being comforted by the things that make you weep. There have been times in my life when I have felt physically sick from unexpressed emotions, but as soon as the tears come it is as though something shifts and I start to feel better in the midst of my sadness.
Sending you lots of hugs and good thoughts....
Posted by: Jeanne | April 18, 2007 8:31 AM
I would've liked to have heard Nikki speak. Thanks for the recap.
Posted by: Deana | April 18, 2007 8:31 AM
crying is part of feeling emotions, and feeling emotions is one of the steps to healing...Nikki Giovanni's speech sounds amazing.
I don't watch tv news anymore because I just can't STAND the sensationalism of it. I'm sure this story is ... well, I won't say it.
Posted by: Janet | April 18, 2007 10:52 AM
I did not get to hear Nikki speak, just a sound bite on the news this morning, which I ended up wishing I hadn't turned on. Not because of her, though. Is there a link to the video clip of her poem that you know of?
This is too close. My brother has a friend who was shot in the arm. One of my best friend's daughter's friends lost her mother. Collective grief is exhausting.
I had class at Hollins yesterday. It was so weird to be in school. I did not know how to feel safe, and yet I felt really removed. It was th only way to get through the day.
Maybe some scrabble therapy soon is in order. I have not played a game since Leigh left.
I love you, Colleen. Thank you for writing what you are.
Posted by: Mara | April 18, 2007 10:55 AM
I blogged about my feelings and observations from watching the service yesterday, too. It was quite incredible. I noted, too, my favorite - Nikki Giovanni. She was awesome. I quoted her, too.
Great minds and all that!
Posted by: Karen | April 18, 2007 11:29 AM
It turns out that Nikki was one of the teachers who complained about the killer being troubled beforehand: http://www.thanhniennews.com/worlds/?catid=9&newsid=27236: Poet Nikki Giovanni, who teaches at Virginia Tech, told CNN that she had insisted that Cho be removed from her class in 2005 because he had intimidated other students by photographing them and by writing obscene, violent poetry.
"I was willing to resign before I would continue with him," she said. "There was something mean about this boy. There was a real mean streak."
Here's a link to the complete poem: http://www.chathamjournal.com/weekly/opinion/Columns/we-are-virginia-tech-70418.shtml
Posted by: colleen | April 18, 2007 12:16 PM
Does it always feel better to be touched emotionally than to feel alone with unexpressed feelings?
Yes, I think so...
Thank you for being a source of that touch.
Posted by: Ampersand | April 18, 2007 1:37 PM
We are conduits for eachother. Humanity runs like a current, I do believe. Many are tapping in now. Thanks, Ampersand.
Posted by: colleen | April 18, 2007 2:35 PM
I was so shocked to hear this....echoes of Columbine and the shootings in Montreal here. Are these still isolated incidents that are happening more often or is there something happening to us as a whole? I'd lke to think it's the former and that the pressures of life just affect more "isolated" people.
Posted by: ruth | April 18, 2007 3:07 PM
I have been thinking a lot about this over the last few days, but I am unsure if I have gotten past shock and moved onto understand what has happened.
Posted by: Leesa | April 18, 2007 3:31 PM
Nikki made me weep too. Her words, and the faces of the students, that huge release of emotion.
Posted by: patry | April 18, 2007 10:45 PM
I found Nikki inspirational and moving (although apparently not everyone did, as is evidenced by my posting of her poem). The convocation as a whole was extremely well done and quite moving.
Posted by: CountryDew | April 19, 2007 1:05 PM
Colleen, I've been meaning to find the link to a post written by a fellow blogger named Harbour of Ourselves about how sadness and loneliness can be uplifting companions sometimes. This post you've written about how what brings us to tears also makes us feel better made me think of what Harbour wrote a few days ago. So, here it is:
http://paulwchambers.blogspot.com/2007/04/loneliness-window-to-belonging.html
And, again, your thoughts here were lovely and beautiful and pricked my heart. Thank you for sharing.
Posted by: Christianne | April 20, 2007 3:31 AM
Wonderful blog, but I his blog doesn't allow anonymous comments. Here's what I wanted to say to him: Sadness and lonliness, like any kind of pain, is a sign that we need to tend to something. In this case it's our feelings. They need to be felt. What moves us also moves us on.
Thanks, Christianne.
Posted by: colleen | April 20, 2007 10:27 AM
I was in a chemo infusion room when this was going on, and sick in the bed during the next couple of days as the media craziness was going on. Who would have thought that would be a blessing?
My heart aches for you and your community and my thoughts are with all of you.
Posted by: terrilynn | April 21, 2007 5:43 PM