The Pink Raft
I want a pink blow-up raft … to drift carefree …in a body of water I belong to …
A pink blow-up raft floated into my consciousness during a recent therapy session. “When’s the first time you thought of a pink raft?” my therapist asked me with interest. We both recognized that the raft was a visual signpost, but where would it lead? No doubt, it would take some time for me to reflect on its meaning.
Not like a stone skipping in and out … that plummets to the bottom when it’s done …
During the following week, I realized that my desire for a pink raft was not a whim; it was real. I not only wanted one, I needed it. After a period of self-exploration, I came to understand that the pink raft was a symbol related to my need for support, to be carried. This need likely related back to my early childhood and infancy when I experienced several traumatic separations from my mother. One such incident happened when I was hospitalized for burns for several weeks at the age of 7 months. But there were others.
I want a pink raft more … than a girl wants a Barbie doll … or a pink poodle skirt of quilted satin …
In my adult life, the burden of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome sometimes weighs heavy. I began to visualize myself floating on a pink raft whenever I was resting and felt some relief when I did that. Soon, a real pink blow-up raft manifested itself without any effort from me.
I need it more than the pink diary … with the lock broken off … or even the pink suede purse … I stole from my sister …
I spotted it in the cellar of a house that my son and his new wife were considering buying and were ready to make an offer on. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I wanted to touch it. Take a picture of it. But that seemed weird, and I wasn’t sure how to explain my interest in a pink raft to the others.
I want you to hold me still … while I lie on my back … and float like a petal …
My son’s wife has a little girl. She and I got restless when her mother and step-dad were at the kitchen table with the realtor, going over financial figures and house buying details, so we went outside to explore.
like a baby in a cradle … not left to sink or swim …
From the yard I could see the pink blow-up raft through the cellar window. Bravely, I went back inside to get a closer look. My little friend followed. It was she who snapped the photo of me hesitantly holding onto the raft. She wanted her picture taken with it too. She posed with her arms crossed, her legs slightly open, leaning to one side, as if she OWNED that raft.
“Wait a minute,” I said to her. “I want another picture of me with the raft.” Mimicking her self-confident attitude and stance, I let my shyness drop away. “I can have a pink raft too if I want one,” my new pose seemed to say.
Comments
Oh, yeah. That posture declares that YOU OWN that PINK RAFT, Colleen. It's amazing how much we can learn from kids (and therapists, I guess)
Michele sent me up to the mountains!
Posted by: Utenzi | October 22, 2006 11:27 PM
Colleen, you deserve that pink raft and you look right at home standing beside it!
Yes, Rome and beyond was my reason for being away. Come back and read tomorrow's post. I put it up while you were reading the other one.
Posted by: kenju | October 23, 2006 12:17 AM
Wonderful...I love the way you told about this and the lines of the poem coming through that telling....BEAUTIFUL!
Great picture, too!
Posted by: OldOldLady Of The Hills | October 23, 2006 4:56 AM
Such comment and insight over one interesting image. I will never see a pink raft again without thinking of you!
Posted by: Tabor | October 23, 2006 5:08 AM
beautiful!
own it gurl :)
i've got a pink raft and i love it. on snow or water. some things just feel right.
Posted by: keda | October 23, 2006 6:00 AM
Hi Colleen: A wonderful post as usual. I guess we all need our mythical pink rafts at times. It was wonderful getting to meet you.
Posted by: ginnie | October 23, 2006 7:49 AM
What great insight. And wouldn't you know it, you see the "Pink Raft" at your son's new home, right after the session and with a child. It all connects. I love you and wish I could have got you a "Pink Raft" sooner. xo
Posted by: Sherry | October 23, 2006 8:30 AM
Holy Cow! Don't ya just love the Universe.
I am so glad you had the insight to realize what the pink raft means to you.
You Go!
Posted by: Nancy | October 23, 2006 10:08 AM
Wow, to be searching for something for a long time, to know you need it, to attach such meaning to it, and then when you finally find it - you don't take it home? Will a picture be enough? Will you be thinking of it and wishing you had it and making up excuses to see the house one more time?
Posted by: Susan | October 23, 2006 10:22 AM
There! the pink raft! with a lovely story :)
Posted by: mar | October 23, 2006 1:47 PM
That picture is great. Own your own pink inflatable. In your visualization you can incorporate its touch and smell and rise above it all.
Posted by: Pearl | October 23, 2006 2:20 PM
I was hospitalized for severe burns at 18 months. My mom was young and couldn't take it and my grandmas sat with me a lot of the time. I was there for over 3 weeks. I wonder if that is what makes me a bit "colder" than others? That separation at a critical time.
I am glad you found your pink raft Colleen! I hope it is everything you need it to be.
Posted by: Deana | October 23, 2006 3:25 PM
Separation anxiety can create some interesting defense mechanisms. So glad your grandmas sat with you, Deana. I'm sure the pink raft is symbolic of my mother's body.
Posted by: colleen | October 23, 2006 3:48 PM
Neat metaphor...and who knows when another pink raft will come along for you? You will probably start to see them everywhere now! And hopefully you will start to feel supported and attached in a special way.
And I wish a pink raft could actually take the fatigued and sore muscles away! They weigh me down too! Maybe I'll just have to make do with the noodles they give us in my aquafitness class!
Posted by: ruth | October 23, 2006 5:17 PM
Pink raft power! Ruth, you're so funny.
Lately, I've been bonding to everything pink. I do plan to shop for a pink raft of my own next summer...maybe take it to bed like a teddy!
Posted by: colleen | October 23, 2006 6:01 PM
Colleen, As your awareness grows the pink raft is an excellent symbol of mother and baby being one. Yours was deflated too early for reasons that could or couldn't be helped (it doesn't really matter from a child's point of view).
I find it interesting that you (and I) were, in our early years of motherhood, very aware of this.
Hmmmm.
Waiting for more.
Posted by: Kathy | October 23, 2006 7:54 PM
Wow. I had an interesting pink moment today, too, after reading this post. I blogged about it.
The pink raft is a great symbol and its connection to your childhood experiences makes perfect sense. I recently discovered that my love of amusement parks and Coney Island in particular is all tied to my father. I am still unraveling it but it was so exciting to make that connection -- like finding a lost puzzle piece. (Or a lost marble, in my case... ha ha!) :)
Posted by: Jeanne | October 23, 2006 10:28 PM
I found a pink fire hydrant.... but that just will not do.
I guess a Big Lots or Dollar Store should be in your future.
Posted by: srp | October 24, 2006 12:41 AM
Nodding at Nancy's note -- the Universe is a wonderful thing!
Posted by: Elissa | October 24, 2006 1:53 AM
definately noticing a pink trend here.....
Posted by: amy f. | October 24, 2006 9:41 AM
I love that post, Colleen and the serendipity of finding it the cellar, Jung's symbolic unconscious. Wow. Thanks. I have the same yearning to climb a tree, but so far I haven't found the right one.
Posted by: Stephen Newton | October 24, 2006 9:42 AM
I hadn't looked at the correlation between the cellar and the unconscious! I was aware of how it was a little girl who showed the little girl in me how to be more assertive in expressing my needs. I think I have read somewhere that symbolically a tree stands for the father.
Posted by: colleen | October 24, 2006 9:47 AM
I love the imagery of the pink raft.
I had a friend who dealt with CFS for about a year, and then it just went away. And I always loved that ep. of Golden Girls where Dorothy illuminates the prejudice and ignorance surrounding it.
Great story. The pink raft. A solid image.
~S
Posted by: Shephard | October 24, 2006 8:01 PM
NOW I know why you commented on all my PINK the other day on my blog...as you can see, I'm playing catch-up here. That was pretty ironic that I had the pink.
Wonderful symbolism, Colleen and may you always float peacefully on that pink raft.
Posted by: Terri | October 29, 2006 7:16 PM
I am very much drawn into the tale you have woven here, Colleen. After reading it twice I am quite certain that I will always think of you when I see a pink raft. I will be in search of my own as well although I have no idea what it's shape or color is yet. We all need something to sustain us and keep us afloat. I wonder what mine looks like... Once again you have my mind happily skipping in inspired circles.
Posted by: MommaK | October 30, 2006 12:51 PM
Thanks, MommaK. I'm glad you came over and got a peek at the pink raft before it floated off the front page.
Guess I'll have to wait till next summer to get one of my own. Can you imagine me lugging it around the way a little person lugs around their favorite teddy bear?
Posted by: colleen | October 30, 2006 1:10 PM
Hi, I came in as part of the Perfect Post link and I can see why this is one. For you to take a simple little air mattress and create something beautiful; you are one of the most talented writers I've seen in blogland in some time. Thank you for sharing this with us and I'll visit again if you don't mind. :)
Posted by: Monica | November 1, 2006 12:17 PM
Here via Petroville. I loved this story. And the pic. I can identify with that need. I have an instrumental piece that was popular when I was a kid that goes through my head. I identified it as a song that was playing at the city pool while I was just floating on my back one afternoon. When I need to be carried, I hear it. That's my pink raft.
Powerful stuff.
Posted by: Dorothy | November 2, 2006 4:15 PM
another perfect post linker, logging in to say how incredibly wonderfully you put words together. you make me want a pink raft NOW. thanks!
Posted by: chris | November 2, 2006 4:16 PM
Your post spoke: the style, the poem, the words between, and the photo. Glad I stumbled on it.
Posted by: Marcia | January 19, 2007 1:05 PM