Grief: What to Make Of It
Remember when you were a kid and you made an ugly face and someone told you that you better watch out because your face could get stuck that way?
I recently came across the following description of grief in my journal: Grief is like the heat it takes to soften metal. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it will re-shape you. I think you have to want for it to re-shape you into something positive and valuable; otherwise it will only leave you hardened, stuck in a shape you will have to live with.
The writing I did after my brothers, Jim and Dan, died 5 years ago became the book “The Jim and Dan Stories.” Writing it was a form of active grieving and an attempt to shape something constructive out of loss.
Considering that Jim and Dan both worked in metal shops, I think my description is particularly fitting.
Dan would have been 55 today.
Comments
Colleen,
Yes we have all been heated to the point of change after watching our brother die so soon after Jim. I will never be the same.
I think though Dan gave us a gift. I cherish it in an odd way. That must be the shaping "...into something positive and valuable."
I wrote about Dan today too.
Posted by: Kathy | October 7, 2006 2:14 PM
oh sweetie..
beautiful words on a sad day.
peace darling.
Posted by: keda | October 7, 2006 2:22 PM
I'm sure today is a sad one for you. May you look back on all the good memories as you allow yourself to grieve.
Posted by: Terri | October 7, 2006 3:36 PM
Michele sent me to you, Colleen.
I've not lost a close relative since I was a child, Colleen. I can't imagine how much pain it would cause to lose two brothers. A college roommate killed himself and that's the closest trauma I can think of for me. I certainly don't want to experience pain like that again, but when my parents die, I'm sure it'll be a lot worse. I guess all you can do is go on...
Posted by: Utenzi | October 7, 2006 5:44 PM
Dear Colleen...I know it does not get any easier on a day like today...But you truly did take something so very painful and turned it into something truly wonderful not just for yourself but for others, too. Not an easy thing to do, I know...but you did it and you continue to do it...Thinking of you today with a full heart, dear Colleen.
Posted by: OldOldLady Of The Hills | October 7, 2006 6:39 PM
Colleen I know there aren't really words to say which help in this situation. Birthdays are harder for me than the aniversaries though some years are worse than others. I only met Dan once but he seemed really cool. Visiting you back from your comment via Micheles.
Posted by: Becky | October 7, 2006 7:08 PM
Grief can do this even if that grief is not over the loss of a loved one. That deep hurt that makes your heart literally ache with grief can be due to a child gone off on a wayward course, or the loss of a job and the fear of what will happen next, or the grief over a failed marriage; are just as strong and deep and life-changing. And everyone feels that deep grief many times during a lifetime; it is never easy.
Posted by: srp | October 7, 2006 8:41 PM
Hugs to you on this day. And strength in the reshaping....
Posted by: Elissa | October 7, 2006 9:54 PM
You have had a very strong and close network of family, linking together supportively, helping each other re-shape in order to live in a changed world, that is one without your brothers. It is a very apt analogy.
Sorry you are reflecting on this sad event today but am glad you seemed to have re-formed into a positive shape.
Posted by: Ruth | October 7, 2006 11:44 PM
50 is way too young to die, Colleen. My thoughts are with you and your grief is felt. Warmly, Ginnie
Posted by: Ginnie | October 8, 2006 4:12 AM
God bless, Colleen. Such a difficult milestone. You are in my thoughts.
Posted by: Karen | October 8, 2006 11:32 AM
Beautiful words...
My brother past away 10 years ago ; grief is a hard word to understand and the memories sometimes seem to fade. But then you remember that one special time and all the anger seems to vanish...
Michele sent me.
Posted by: Just a trumpet player | October 8, 2006 9:30 PM