Living My Version of a Successful Happy Life – Part 2
–In 2015 I contributed a chapter to Floyd Folks: Collective Wisdom from a (One Stoplight) Mountain Community, a collection of stories about love, loss and triumph from eighteen local writers. Published by Tommy Bailey’s Free Range Press, all proceeds after printing have gone to local non-profits. This is Part 2 of my contribution. Part 1 is HERE.
When my brother Jim died in 2001 and I wrote his eulogy, it was as if all my previous writing was practice that brought me to that one point. When my brother Dan died a month after Jim, my writing turned into a book, The Jim and Dan Stories. It was part a recounting of the last few weeks of my brothers’ lives, part a humorous re-telling of growing up in an Irish Catholic family of 11 during the 50s and 60s, and part a chronicle of the day-to-day living and writing my way through life-altering grief. The book was used for years in a grief and loss class for counselors at Radford University. It was a leap that taught me that the more you do what you were made for, the more it grows in you.
I was with my brother Dan when he died, which gave me another example of how a wounding and a gift can exist side by side and can deepen and shape us into a better human beings. Although a book of fairytales by Hans Christian Anderson was more formative than my Catholic catechism book in awakening my spirituality as a child, I was grateful for the church during my brother’s death and was moved by the power of The Last Rites that were administered to him by a priest.
The grace that surrounded me during Danny’s death supported me through it, but it wasn’t enough to re-convert me. My expressions of worship are contemplation, time in nature and creativity. I’m not a leader or a follower, but a party of one (and it took most of my life to recognize and honor that). I’m also not a joiner, and although I’m not orthodox about anything or active in any church, I believe in a divine whole, a wondrous alignment that everything is a part of. I don’t believe we need the threat of sin and hell to force us to goodness. I believe our goodness is innate. Why else would I cry when I see others lose their loved ones or rejoice with emotion when they become their best selves?
When my writing took off (in a small town way) and I began to be hired to cover events and do feature stories for the local paper, I posted an entry on my blog titled Universal Truth. It began, “I believe we are self-regulating. If left alone, we will work; we will create; we will become more of who we were meant to be. Sometimes hiring ourselves out to nine-to-five jobs to do other people’s work or succumbing to the social pressure of comparing ourselves to others can become detours to the life we were meant to lead.” I also wrote, “If you spend time developing whatever it is you’re compelled to do, it will eventually come to fruition, even if it takes thirty years.”
Small town life in the mountains agrees with me, even though my roots and my heart remain tied to my childhood home by the ocean in Hull, Massachusetts. In the early 2000s I wrote an essay titled Homegrown that summed up my choice to live in Floyd and countered the notion that success is about money or world fame.
The essay, which appeared in my poetry collection Muses Like Moonlight, and which I read on WVTF radio in 2005, talks about the independent spirit and grassroot talents prevalent in Floyd, where locally famous farmers, artists, potters, wood carvers, writers and musicians live alongside well diggers, saw millers, herbalists, midwives, hunters and home builders. It also talks about the world renowned authors, shamans, teachers and musicians that have visited Floyd and concludes with a statement that illuminates my definition of success (a definition that can be adapted to work whether speaking about a town, a family or an individual). “Every town is a microcosm of the whole world, and if we stay where we are and invest in our own community, the whole world eventually comes to us.”
CFS has limited my life, but it has also taught me discretion and how to prioritize my time to avoid activities that drain my energy. I’m happiest when I have lots of space in-between activities and unscheduled time to do what I find myself doing. I always smile when I’m dancing, when I’m taking pictures and when I’m at work in the garden. I like to challenge my own thinking, practice wise woman ways and take the time to enjoy simple blessings. As a homebody who loves solitude, so much of my successful living happens in the paradise of my own yard.
Just as I could fill notebook pages on the alternative supplements and therapies I’ve tried over the years to overcome CFS, I could also fill pages on the workshops I’ve taken, self-help books I’ve read, practices I’ve undertaken and progressive thought I’ve explored over the years. These days I’m not trying to change or better myself as much as I’m trying to understand what’s already there. I realize that the best thing I can do for the world is to be myself. If I can be myself, keep my conscience clear and respect the authority of my inner voice, I know the rest will fall into place, and that makes me happy. – Colleen Redman
-Notes: Part 1 can be found HERE. Floyd Folks: Collective Wisdom from a (One Stoplight) Mountain Community is available at local shops and on Amazon. HERE is the story I wrote for our local paper on the book.
